The English Language is Weird
I'm bored right now, so I'm going to talk about some of the things about the English language that annoys me. Anyone who's been trying to learn how to speak it can agree it's annoying. Anyone who does speak it can agree that it's annoying. In word usage, spelling, etymology, and rules. For example: The word "Read." It can be pronounced like "red" or like "reed." Both "red" and "read" are their own words with their own meanings, but the word "read"'s meaning changes with its pronunciation. Meanwhile we have words like "bolt" that are spelled the same, pronounced the same, but have different meanings which can be interpreted through context. "Bolt" can be a noun, or it can be a verb. "Read" is a verb. The past tense of "read" (pronounced "reed") is "read" (pronounced "red"). You've been told "i before e except after c." You may have heard extensions to this rule, like "except when it sounds like a in neighbor and weigh." They end up saying this rule like it's some kind of science, given to us by some deity, trying to seize the truth in the matter. Unfortunately the only thing we can do is forfeit any real attempt to get a rein on this heinous rule because the "i before e" rule is bullshit. Any rule that has so many exceptions is not a rule and you shouldn't have been taught this. There's almost no reason for words to have double consonants. Words like "well" would be wel if we dropped the second "l". The extra "z" does make puzzles more puzzling, but the extra "g" in "egg" doesn't make it more appetizing. The only real reason a word should have double consonants is for things like figuring out the difference between hoping and hopping. Why do we have silent letters? I mean, I can understand silent "e" to make vowels have stronger sounds. "Fin" becomes "fine" and "final" becomes "finale." Wait, that "e" isn't silent. It makes this word "fin * alley". If you want that word to have a strong "i" sound, you need to remove the silent e and end it "finally" (pronounced fine * alley). Also, "finale" is supposed to have a tilde over the "e" if it wants to be pronounced all funny and shit. The worst silent letter? That would be "p" in receipt. It was added specifically to be silent, specifically to be confusing, specifically by pretentious people. "Ch" and "th" are special. They create sounds that the other letters can't, such as in... "such" or "with." Why does "ch" make the "k" sound sometimes, like in "stomach?" Why does "c" ever make the "k" sound at all. And why does "g" make the "j" sound at all? Then we wouldn't need things like "gh" to make hard g sounds in words like "ghetto" or... "ghost." Wait a minute... a "g" followed by an "o" makes the hard "G" sound. Actually, removing the "h" in "ghost" makes me want to give the "o" a softer sound. In my head, "gost" rhymes with "lost" instead of "host." Oh yeah, and what the hell is the deal with "light". What is the "gh" even supposed to do? Whatever the hell is feels like? Also, if we're looking at spelling, "lost" and "host" should rhyme. Also, "host" should have a silent e at the end. Yeah, the "you can figure out what rhymes by spelling" rule is also bullshit. "Addle" and "Waddle" do not rhyme. Neither do "ant" and "want." Then there are words like "colonel." It's pronounced like "kernel" (despite us having a word with that spelling). The language we took "colonel" (Italian) from pronounces it like it's spelled. Why are oxes called "oxen." I do not know. Oh yeah... adding a "k" turns "now" into "know." Why don't we do that for "kbow." If the "k" can do that, maybe that'll reduce some of the confusion. And maybe if "lackadaisical" had anything to do with flowers things would be a little less confusing. Most of English comes from Latin, a language which it has surprisingly little in common with. We can make words that are always seen with each other, like "Dog" and "house" one word. Yet "Root beer" remains separate. Actually, many dictionaries count it as one word... with a space in it. It's grammatically incorrect to use the same word twice in a row, unless those words are "that" or "had." "Had" can be used up to four times in succession. I don't know if my principal had any principles. I know that he ate every morning at eight. (yes, the silent e turns "at" into a number). He was wholly a holy man to the point he used holey cheese in his every sandwich. He mustered the strength to put mustard on it too. The only person to ever open a hostile hostel (even though that makes like no sense). He could make sense of the minimal cents he got in his paycheck. I can still remember his missing eye. We can have geese, but not meese. The plural of moose and sheep really confuse me, especially. Whoever came up with those words... were you really too lazy to add an "s" to the end? Or... do something. Why does the rule where some words don't change when you make them plural even exist. If we could figure out whether a noun is singular or plural from context alone, we wouldn't need plurals at all! Also, in "would" "could" and "should"--the "l" in all three of these words are completely useless. That letter keeps popping up in places where it just doesn't have to be. Back on double letters. "aardvark" has double letters because "aardvark" is that dick who just wanted to be first in the dictionary. But that doesn't explain why "apple" has a double "p." Why do words like "Explain" or "Expand" even need the "e" at all? Oh that's right, if a word begins with a "X" it makes a "z" sound, like in "xenon" or "xenophobia." Maybe "l" and "e" are just like the dicks of the alphabet. I mean... a lowercase "l" likes to look like an uppercase "I" sometimes. I don't know why. Also, we can have "I" and "A" as words on their own, but "y" need to have a "wh" that don't do anything. I mean... "Are" doesn't need the "a" and "E" (maybe to distinguish it from "our." "C" really gets the shit end of the stick, since that letter doesn't belong in "see" or "sea". I... think this language is broken. And I didn't even get started on the differences between American and British English. But if you're wondering why everyone on the internet has shitty grammar... it's because grammar is shit. Category:Miscellaneous